


To Wander is To Lose Control

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Hostage Situations, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 04:10:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	To Wander is To Lose Control

“How did you get past it?” Matt asked, eyes wide with breathless anticipation. “How did you stop seeing something happening to him every time you closed your eyes?”

After nearly losing Kristy, and putting his life and job on the line to save her, he didn’t know what to do. Sure, he just did it. It’s what you did for the one you love. But moving forward after the fact was so much easier said than done. A few days later, when he and Kristy had finally had some time to decompress, JJ had checked in on them and he asked if they could talk. Maybe she would be able to impart some words of wisdom. After all, she had watched Will put his life on the line during the bank heist six years earlier. Matt hadn’t been with the team at the time, but his heroism was legendary. 

JJ sat on her desk in front of him. “I’m sorry to disappoint, but it’s not something you just stop seeing. Even six years later, sometimes I still see it when I close my eyes. I can hear the gun shots. I can hear the sound of me screaming for him. What matters is that when I have these dreams, I tell him. You have to do the same with Kristy.”

That was the last thing he wanted to do.

His breath caught in his throat as he spoke. “I don’t want to make her relive it.”

“I understand that, but if you don’t, you’ll overanalyze everything you did and everything that happened to the point where you will blame yourself for it all. It’ll drive a wedge between you. The only way to keep that from happening is to talk to her when you have those nightmares.”

It made sense of course, but Kristy had been put in a situation he had never wanted her to be in. He just wanted her to be able to forget. “Don’t do that,” JJ said knowingly.

“What?”

“Kristy is so much stronger than you think, I-”

“Of course she is!” She wouldn’t have made it through if not for her inner strength. “I have no doubt about that, but-”

“Open communication, no matter how difficult it is to bring up again and again, is what she would want to maintain the strength of your marriage,” she replied with a sigh. “I know how hard it is. And believe me, after it first happened, I was not great at opening up, but it’s what needed to happen, and the same is going to go for you. It’s the best thing for you as a couple and for those four beautiful babies.”

Matt took a deep breath. “I just…it makes me question everything, you know?”

“Oh believe me, I know. When Will got home, actually after we got married, because that’s how that happened, I kept thinking that both of us should just quit law enforcement and do something safer. I’d run a bed and breakfast and he’d teach or something, but that’s not who we are. We do have the right to ‘call it’ though.”

Matt raised his eyebrow, curious as to what she meant. 

“Basically, if either of us feel like it’s enough. This life. These jobs. Then we can call it and say enough is enough. Live that safer life with the boys away from all this. It’s come close - to the point where we’ve brought up the agreement again, but it’s never happened.”

That wasn’t a bad idea. Granted, Kristy didn’t have an inherently dangerous job like he did, but giving her that ability might make her feel better. “I might bring that up with her. I know I just got to the BAU, but that just freaked me out. I never imagined Kristy would be in the line of fire. It makes you think that if I didn’t have this job then maybe she wouldn’t ever have been in danger.”

“True,” JJ said, shrugging. “Or it could’ve happened anyway and you wouldn’t have had the skills or the wherewithal to make a difference. And then instead of finding her alive, she could’ve died. There’s a whole host of possibilities. If you let your mind wander to each and every one, you will lose control. I can promise you that.”

“It’s so hard,” Matt replied, grabbing his head. “It just happens when I close my eyes.”

JJ reached over and placed her hand on Matt’s arm. “I know. And for a little while it will, but it’ll start to get better with time, especially if you remain open with Kristy.”

With a deep breath, he felt resigned. Not great, but better. At least he wasn’t alone, he had Kristy obviously, but he had a good friend who’d unfortunately been through something similar. “Never a dull moment in the BAU,” he chuckled.

That was for sure. “Absolutely not. And Matt?”

“Yea?”

“Don’t be afraid to text me or call me if you need to talk it out with someone you’re not married to, okay? I’m always around for a friend.”

As they both stood up, Matt opened his arms and wrapped them around her. “Thank you…really. I can’t thank you enough.”


End file.
